FFXIII: Not Over yet

Sweet relief flooded Lightning's chest as her companions began to settle in for their first night on Gran Pulse. Snow and Sazh had spent quite a while doing what they could to get Hope's morale back up following his battle with Alexander, but it was obvious that the root of the problem leading to his advanced brand remained buried beneath the boy's smile. Seeing him relax a bit was therapeutic in and of itself, and as his eyes drifted closed, his face illuminated by the flickering firelight, Lightning felt herself relax with him.

She couldn't help seeing herself in him; the way he buried his troubles until they festered and made violent reappearances which injured the ones he loved. It had happened countless times with Lightning and Serah – and every time was another day she wanted to forget.

Though Hope may have slept and brought the remaining four some relief, Lightning wouldn't be fooled. She had performed the same trick a hundred times, acting as though things were alright when the truth was that she could break at any given moment.

Out of the four Cocoon natives, she and Hope had formed the tightest bond, which was an advantage and a disadvantage all in one. She was able to detect when something was bothering her charge – but in turn, he could tell when something was bothering her.

And the little bastard was goddamn near irresistible. If she hadn't been through boot camps and battles before she was made a l'Cie, she would have completely crumbled under the raw innocence and cuteness Hope radiated.

Deep down, Lighting was sure that Hope was bound to be her downfall. She just knew it. Anyone who could so easily bypass the walls she'd put up and navigate her heart in just two weeks was dangerous. He was worth keeping an eye on – for the sake of not only HIS safety, but Lightning's.

At the very least, she was glad he was able to sleep. Her mind refused to let her body rest, regardless of the incessant begging it did. Who else would stand guard if she didn't? Snow could be counted on to fall asleep after just a few hours. Vanille would start talking to the chocobo chick and wake everyone up. Fang just complained. And Sazh…no one asked him to stand guard. He had a hard enough time during the day.

Lightning would never have dreamed of asking Hope to keep watch by himself. He acted tough – and in reality, he really was – but even Lightning got the chills after the fire died and the moonlight cast shadows throughout the canyon. Hope was almost good at masking his fear, but Lightning wasn't sure how he would handle it all by himself. And seeing how his brand had advanced so suddenly just hours before, she didn't want to find out.

It both bothered and amazed Lightning how composed Hope was during their travels. He shouldered the burden of leading them through Palumpolum after a rocky week-long flight through the Gapra Whitewood, never hesitating to dispose of a handful of lobos lunging at his throat. He never flinched when a behemoth sent a paw full of foot-long claws sweeping down at him, but trembled in terror when faced with just a single PSICOM soldier. More often than not, Lightning had to do away with military squads when one crossed paths with them – because Hope would freeze.

She never could get him to tell her why he was so afraid of them. It wasn't like he hadn't killed soldiers before. Sure, they were just as human as he was, but it had become clear that if they were going to save Cocoon rather than destroy it, as Dysley had said, it couldn't be done without bloodshed either way. Cocoon hated them, jumped at every opportunity to see them slaughtered. Murder was something that Hope would have to get used to, but Lightning couldn't bring herself to tell him to get over it because she doubted he ever would. Hope was still a child; death still a frightening, foreign thing. He had yet to accept his mother's passing, as made obvious by the murmuring of her name in his sleep and the handful of nightmares Lightning had woken him from.

Despite it all, Hope was really nothing more than a hapless child, tangled in an endless struggle for an ultimately short-lived survival.

And Lightning wanted to save him from that.

As she watched the sun dip into the horizon, she felt a light pressure on her side, followed swiftly by a flood of warmth and the tickling of fibers on her shoulder. She looked down to see Hope snuggled up against her, eyes closed and head resting on her shoulder. A blush tinted his cheeks light pink while his eyes fluttered open, shrouded by the thick black lashes.

"Um…" he began, swallowing. "Snow was snoring. Woke me up."

Lightning chuckled and turned her eyes back to the sunset. "You ought to try getting some sleep. You'll need it now that you have Alexander. Summoning an eidolon takes a lot of energy."

"I can't sleep with Snow sawing enough logs for all of us over there," Hope replied sullenly, leaning on her in what may have been a show of his decisiveness. "I'll just stay here."

"Fine." I wouldn't mind some company, anyway.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each watching the sun sink lower and lower, before Hope spoke up.

"I know I need to keep my cool," he whispered, "but…I'm still scared out of my mind."

Lightning sighed. "Hope, it's going to be alright. We're all scared, and we're all going to make it out of this alive – be it in crystal stasis or otherwise. We've been through this."

"It's just…hard to believe…I mean…it's easy enough to believe when things have been going well…but we're not home anymore. There's nowhere else to go unless we decide to take out Cocoon and – "

Lightning gently – but firmly – pushed Hope away from her and grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look her right in the eyes.

"Hope, what are you REALLY afraid of?" she asked bluntly. Hope stared at her, emerald eyes wide as saucers before they filled with tears, fright, and embarrassment.

"I'm…I'm afraid of being left alone, Light," he whispered, looking down at his wringing hands. "I'm afraid of you dying…and me getting left here by myself…as a cie'th, or whatever…"

Lightning loosened her grip on his shoulders. "Then why did you suggest we leave you behind?"

Lightning felt her heart ache when tears fell onto Hope's capris.

"I…I told you…I didn't want you getting hurt…because of me," he replied, voice broken.

"…don't be stupid, Hope."

He looked back up at her in shock, the green in his eyes brighter as red tinged the white. "What…"

"I told you before that I wouldn't abandon you," Lightning half-heartedly snapped, fighting to keep the edge in her voice. "I didn't do it then, and I won't do it now. Not after we've both saved each other more times than I can count." Lightning sighed when her voice threatened to break. How the hell did Hope bring out the empathetic side of her so quickly? "Honestly, Hope…you really think I'd just walk away and let you die?"

Hope's eyes blazed. "You did the same thing for me once," he snapped. "Remember? In Palumpolum?" Lightning's heart stopped. "You told me to run, that you'd keep them busy. Don't tell me you didn't say that knowing that you'd die if you made good on that order."

"You had something bigger to live for than I did, Hope," Lightning shot back, eyes and voice void of emotion. "You needed to see your – "

"And I'll never see my dad again! Light, you were going to let yourself die for me! Why is it such a big deal if I try to return the favor? You have Serah to live for! You know she'll come back, Light! My mother's dead, my father's as good as dead, and I've got anywhere from an hour to two weeks to live! I'm…I'm doomed either way…" The anger in his voice subsided, his shoulders slumping forward. His head drooped, thick silver locks forming a curtain between himself and Lightning.

"Hope," Lightning breathed, reaching a hand toward him but stopping when he shied away. His shoulders trembled as fear tore him apart from the inside. Lightning wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him flush against herself, meriting a surprised gasp. He squirmed in her hold for a few seconds before apparently giving up and letting his full weight rest on her.

"Hope, you've got to stop this," Lightning whispered, absentmindedly threading strands of silver hair between her fingers. "You're going to push yourself to cie'th before the night's out at this rate." She felt moisture seeping through her blouse and bit her lip, groping for something – anything she could say to console him.

"I told you I wouldn't abandon you," she said while his arms shakily snaked around her waist. "I told you I'd keep you safe, too. That won't change, so don't worry. You'll be alright." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "It's not over yet. It won't be over until the last one of us dies – and trust me, none of us are going down that easily."

Hope turned his head sideways away from her for a breath of air, lungs quaking when he tried to obtain it through his nose. He coughed, but it came out as a sob, a sound that made even Lightning's heart ache. She rubbed his back ever so slightly, wishing there was anything she could just DO to ease his fears.

"Get some sleep, Hope. You need to relax."

Lightning's eyes widened when Hope's arms tightened around her. "Can I…can I stay with you? I feel safer with you…"

There couldn't have been much harm in the prospect. Everyone else was asleep, and Hope would probably end up back in his place by the fire at some point before sunrise. Lightning wrapped her arms around her charge and settled his head on her shoulder, leaning against a rock to watch the sun vanish below the horizon.

Come morning light…you and I'll be safe and sound. It's not over yet, Hope. Not for you, and not for me.